Post by thecleaninglady on Jan 9, 2007 5:20:26 GMT -5
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I
learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way
to make sure you are removing a weed and not
a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of
the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way
to make sure you are removing a weed and not
a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of
the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
